Curious C*nt Podcast – Ep 6: Religion & Sex: Moving from Certainty to Doubt

podcastep6 (1)

Last December, I spoke at an event hosted by PechaKucha Pensacola. The theme was “Altered Outlooks” and I was invited to share my opinions on sex & swearing. As you can imagine, all the other presenters left me wide-eyed and intrigued, but one man left me particularly curious.

Scott Grantland touched me with his honest and vulnerable story about his decision to leave the Methodist Church as a minister. I appreciated his child-like, inquisitive nature, while still holding reverence and respect for his religion. He offered a persuasive argument for holding a place for doubt in his beliefs.

I invited Scott to be on my podcast and so I had the pleasure of sitting down with him a couple weeks ago to chat about religion, sex, porn, doubt, questioning authority, and lots of other fun stuff. Nothing is spared and nothing is sacred in this interview about religion & sex. Actually, just kidding. We’re super respectful, but also wax philosophical.

This was the first and only interview so far that I’ve done in person. I feel much more relaxed and comfortable interviewing someone in person than over the phone. I wonder why! In all, though. this chat with Scott was one of my favorite interviews so far. I’d love to hear your opinion on all of the juicy tidbits we talk about!

Check out the full episode here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/8618909. And if you like it, I’d be honored if you become a patron. For something ridiculous, like $1/month, you can support this podcast. It helps me with the cost of recording software, online storage, graphics software, editing software, and eventually I’ll be purchasing some fancy microphones and shit.

Scott’s bio:
Scott Grantland is a former Methodist minister who grew up in Panama City Beach. After graduation, he attended seminary at Duke Divinity School in North Carolina. He worked as an associate minister for five years at First Methodist Pensacola. He has served the community in various ways, including participating in Leadership Pensacola. Currently, he is currently serving as a chaplain at Baptist Hospital in Pensacola, Florida.

You can connect with Scott here:
Facebook: facebook.com/scottgrantland
Email: scottgrantland@gmail.com

A Foolish Punk Rawk Girl’s Journey

A Foolish Punk Rawk Girl's Journey.png

  • The Fool – There once was a girl, with a smirk on her pretty little face. When she was mischievous, the sliver of a smirk turned into an enormous grin, and when she behaved, it was placid. One day, a stupid drunk asshole smacked the beautiful smirk off her face and ran away like a scared little rat. The girl vowed to smack him right back, just as soon as she could find him. Her friends kept telling her that she could do anything she wanted, and the whole world could be hers! But she just wanted revenge.
    • The Magician – Her switchblade was dull, but the junkie on the corner pointed her in the direction of a guy who could fix her up right. The moonlight glinted off the dull blade as she strode up to the front door of a house off the main road. To her surprise, a wrinkled man with kind eyes and thin, long, grey hair answered the door. He seemed unimpressed, but ushered her in. Despite his wrinkles, he seemed young. There was an unusual pep in his step and a twinkle in his eye. The girl tapped her foot impatiently as he whittled away at her small blade on an archaic whetstone. Sparks flew off the blade and she wondered if he was intentionally taking longer because she was in a hurry. Her tapping stopped and her tense shoulders released. Immediately, the wizened wizard finished and sent the punk rawk girl on her merry way, without another word.
    • The High Priestess – With freshly sharpened blade in hand, she set off to track the scent of her nemesis. She spit in disgust at the thought of him. Her delicate skin still stung from the blow. Her ego was even more bruised. As she walked down the dull, empty streets, a bright sign caught her eye. “Psychic” was lit up above a lavender door with silver and gold stars painted on it. It seemed out of place on the gloomy grey day. Palming her blade just in case, the girl slipped inside the dark store to the ironic sound of bells alerting the psychic of her presence. The girl found herself in a room with a solitary mirror and nothing else. Her plain reflection shown back at her. Despite the piercings, tattoos, and bright green spiky hair, her face was plain, with bags under her eyes, and a disgusted look plastered permanently on her face. The girl tried to smile back at herself but it only turned into a frown. “What you seek is seeking you,” a gentle woman’s voice seemed to come from behind the mirror. The psychic revealed herself and asked her to sit, but the girl could only stare at her own reflection as the woman stared at her. After some time, the girl left without a word, and again the woman called after her, “What you seek is seeking you!”
    • The Empress – The girl shook off the uncomfortable feeling from the psychic’s place and pondered how she let herself be drawn in. She strode deeper into the heart of town and the sky grew even darker. It began to rain. She stopped at a hotel and decided to stay for awhile. It was a seedy joint that allowed you to stay by the hour, but the girl just hopped up to the bar and grabbed a drink. The bartender was a beautiful young woman with a huge pregnant belly. Her face was round and friendly. The girl almost wanted to smile as she ordered her whiskey and coke. Miss Prego poured her a generous shot and gave her a wink as she set down the glass. As the storm raged outside, the girl wrapped her worn army jacket tighter around her, hunching her shoulders and sipping her drink. The bartender kept the drinks coming and even brought her a side of fries. After 4 whiskey-cokes and a couple of hours, the punk rawk girl was mellowed out and sufficiently content.
    • The Emperor – The rain stopped soon after, but the girl decided to stay contentedly in her little corner. The alcohol had made her sleepy and she faded in and out of consciousness. As she drifted off to sleep, an older gentleman walked into the hotel, sopping wet. In a booming voice, he demanded to know what she was doing in here. The man wasn’t looking her way, but the girl immediately straightened and pointed to herself, “Who, me?” The old man continued his rant barking at her (or at no one in particular?) to get up and get dressed and help him. Her rebellious nature cursed and resisted as she did what she was told. She softened her hair and changed her outfit.
    • The Hierophant – As she emerged from this transition, the old man was nowhere to be found. “Why do you want revenge?” A different old man! Her initial reaction was to spit back, “Why wouldn’t I want revenge?” but something made her hold her tongue. She opened her mouth but no words came out. The old man talked about the truth of revenge and bitterness, as a reflection of the inner state of mind. Surprisingly, the punk rawk girl didn’t react, but softened her stance and listened.
    • The Lovers – Dazed and a little enamored with the unconventional wisdom of the two old men, the punk rawk girl emerged from the bar looking like an entirely different person. Her hair was now a platinum blonde and fell in soft curls around her face, and her white t-shirt and jeans blended nicely with the minimal make-up. More than just changing her look, her demeanor was kinder. Across the alleyway, she spied a couple leaning in close, noses touching, unaware of anything around them. The air around them seemed to glow green and pink. The girl felt at peace and the revenge within her gave way to a subtle feeling of contentment.
    • The Chariot – The feeling quickly faded as the couple suddenly broke their intimate gaze to stare straight at the little punk rawk girl. Police sirens began to wail and the couple dove behind a dumpster. Before she could grasp what was happening, the couple reappeared, grabbed the girl by the arm, and pulled her into the back of a black and white sedan. Breathing heavily, the man yelled at the driver to move faster. Then, softer to the girl, “See, you can’t leave your goals to fate, little one,” he said. The old spiky haired girl within her would have already pulled the switch-blade out and demanded an explanation, but for some strange reason, she understood what he was getting at. She nodded as he said, “The wheels of fate turn as they will, but occasionally you can steer.”
    • Strength – The punk rawk girl decided to take charge. “I’ll get out here, thank you.” The couple smiled, as if to say, “Excellent choice, my dear.” The girl found herself on the edge of town, bordering a beautiful forest. How beautiful the trees were, the wildflowers were bountiful, and the sun was rising in the East. She followed a path into the forest and it wasn’t long until she came upon a man on the side of the road. He was bloody, beaten up, and curled into a ball. She wasn’t even sure if he was alive. Surely there was something she could do for him. As she walked closer, she recognized him as her nemesis, the same fucker who had her traipsing around with blood on her brain. For a moment, instinct kicked in, and her hand reached for the blade – to finish him off if he wasn’t already done for. Then a spark of a thought, “Better to leave him to rot in pain.” But the instincts were quickly replaced with compassion at the suffering creature before her, no matter his previous crimes.
    • The Hermit – As a rule, if he came to, she would leave immediately. She just wanted peace from the entire ordeal. It was exhausting, the energy it took to be angry and violent. But she tended to him, gave him water, and dressed his wounds. How had she come to be so filled with compassion? The answer to this question did not seem as surprising as the answer to the inevitable follow-ups – how had she been so vile and violent in the first place? The answers didn’t matter now. The ensuing peace and contentment, the resolution to the conflict was all that mattered.
    • The Wheel of Fortune – Later that day, the stupid, drunk asshole – who was now just a sober, beat-up schmuck – finally woke up. When he shook off unconsciousness and looked at the girl, he freaked out and ran away. As he stumbled off, though, he dropped a pair of dice. A little relieved to be rid of her patient, the girl picked up the dice. They were not numbered, but each side featured a different, strange symbol. Curious, she gave them a roll. On one, a crescent moon appeared, and on the other a bright, shining sun. The opposite rolls made the girl smile. As she grabbed the dice to put them into her pocket, however, she noticed the sky dim and the forest grow darker. Dusk had come much too early, it seemed. But as she looked to the sky, she saw the setting sun in the West, and a slight sliver of the Moon in the East.
    • Justice – The girl continued on the path under the purple sky and vowed to go as far as she could before it got truly dark. Wolves started to howl, and crickets began to hum, as the Earth settled into the night. But the girl kept walking and turned her flashlight on only after it was pitch black and she couldn’t see a thing in front of her face. As soon as her light came on, she squealed at the sight of another bloody being. It was him! This time he was really dead. It looked like a bear or wolf had mauled him good this time. Maybe those were his lucky dice. Maybe now they would help her survive.
    • The Hanged Man – The asshole’s death had been less pleasing than she thought it would have been. It was almost bittersweet. She lacked the will to feign concern for his soul, but lacked also the vengeance she once had to feel pleasure at her previously sought justice. Now what? She felt like an uncomfortable clean slate. Everything was in order, but there was something off about it. As she stepped along the path, her mind wandered, brow furrowed. The punk felt a tug at her ankle that shook her out of the dream state. Before she knew what happened, she was upside down, hanging from a tree trunk by one foot, dangling from a rope. A trap. How typical. Maybe her luck wasn’t changing after all. And as she swayed back and forth, watching her shiny platinum locks flowing the breeze, she believed in her heart of hearts that something beautiful was about to happen.
    • Death – “Oi! Whatcha doin up ayr, lurv?” A friendly voice from down below. “Ay’ll cutcha down, no prob’m!” A slash, a breeze, and the cold hard ground right on the noggin. Black. In the sea of darkness, a light flickered in the distance. The friendly voice echoed over and over in her head as the punk girl lost consciousness. She dreamed of a far away kingdom where she was the queen. Her benevolent nature exuded on the throne and her people loved her. In the hazy image, she felt true and real, but beneath the confident exterior still lie the small, frail green-haired girl who was always on the defensive. She wasn’t dead, she wasn’t even hidden. She was there, united fully with the majestic queen in all her glory. The little punk rawk girl shared in the glory.
    • Temperance – When she came to, the first thought was there was a queen inside her now. Oh, but damn her head hurt. The queen was screaming to get out. The two sides at war within her were vying for power. The rebellious punk inside her knew she was losing, but felt the validity and necessity of all her resisting. Her resistance had marked her survival. A dead queen couldn’t accomplish much. So, the inner queen forced her to pick up her emaciated, broken body up off the ground, and begin walking. To where, she didn’t know. She only knew couldn’t remain where she was.
    • The Devil – The path was getting dark again. How long had she been out? She couldn’t remember the last time she ate. The hungrier she got, the more the emptiness inside craved something more. She remembered bits of drunken nights and flirtations with whatever drugs were available. But most of all she craved the touch of another human. The touch from that drunken asshole. Not the violence or the abuse. She wasn’t that fucked up. She craved the tenderness and love, and even the worship he conveyed to her through his hands. It was true. As much as she hated him, she loved him even more. Was it really love or was it something else?
    • The Tower – As dusk fell over the forest, the path opened up to a walkway lined with torches. It led up to a single, tall tower. She could do nothing else but stare ahead and walk straight up to it. Her hair began to frizz. Beads of sweat pooled on her forehead. The tower was on fire. She could not help but keep walking. The path stayed straight ahead and so did she. Everything inside her wanted to turn away but she wasn’t able to even avert her eyes from the flames licking high into the night sky. Up the steps, through the door. Squinting through the smoke, she climbed higher and higher. The brick walls began to tumble around her, but the stairs stood strong. The ground shook. The steps spiraled up and up. The top of tower came crashing down. Still, she walked. She walked until there were no steps left but a few crumbling bricks and there was nothing between her skin and the cool, night air. She exhaled and dove off the edge, head first.
    • The Star – Splash! Lucky, this tower had moat. If the tower had been a dream, the icy water woke her up. She stood, again staring into the distance, but this time at a bright light illuminating the sky. In the pool of water, her reflection stared back at her, beautiful as ever, her porcelain skin glowing in the moonlight. A deep peace and content settled over her. There was nowhere to hide from the bright star and there was no need. Here in all her splendid, exposed glory, she was loved for who she was. Then, she cracked the biggest smile of her life. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so at home in her own bare bones body. But she didn’t care. What mattered was now. And right now, she was the brightest light in the multi-verse.
    • The Moon – Feeling refreshed and invigorated, the girl stepped onto the lawn strewn with debris and walked away from the tower. The moon had risen high into the sky, a big bright spotlight on the world before her. The forest and the grass glowed a dark green, but little shadows dotted the landscape where the moon’s light did not touch. She felt drawn to one such area behind a rosebush. She was not ready to be seen in all her naked, splendid glory, without the aid of make-up, dyed hair, a permanent scowl, and her switchblade. Even the rags of her clothes had fallen off in the dive from the tower. Who was she without all of the ornaments?
    • The Sun – She pondered and contemplated all night until the purple-orange sunrise began to peak over the edge of the forest. Her worries faded with the darkness, making way for hopes and dreams and aspirations. The warmth of the sun settled the queasiness and uneasiness. She stepped out from the shadows and into the light. Her hair dried quickly in the heat. She was still naked, but cared less. In the morning glow, she saw the beauty of the world around her. The edge of the forest was dotted with hundreds of wildflowers in every color. The green grass reflected the light of the rising sun. The fallen tower was now just a pile of rubble next to the sparkling moat. Finally, as the sun grew brighter, the dark sky faded into light blue and white, puffy clouds.
    • Judgment – From the clouds emerged a figure. The girl had to squint and shield her eyes to see. A bird? An angel? Then, a flash of light and a booming voice, “You cannot continue to be the little girl, when you are now a queen.” By the time her eyes adjusted, the figure had disappeared. After the last couple of days, nothing would surprise her, least of all being called a queen. It was just a matter of fact, now. She had a choice whether or not to accept the role, of course. There is always a choice. But she knew by now that the more she resisted, the more she would be persuaded.

 

  • The World – At last, as she walked, her kingdom came into view. She surveyed the tiny kingdom in the valley, pondering its fate now the king was dead. And maybe that stupid, drunk asshole had driven her to madness, but he had also driven her to radical change and growth. Or did it really have nothing to do with him, and everything to do with her, and only her?

    THE END.

    If you’d like to learn more about how to read tarot, check out my online tarot course!

 

podcastep3

Cassie Howard is a business consultant for badass women entrepreneurs and one of my personal business idols. She gives no fucks, is consistently engaging on social media, and she makes a fuckton of money doing it. Cassie is not shy about anything, much less her introduction into the online business through being a cam girl.

To give you a little peek into Cassie’s world, one of her most recent emails was entitled: “Everything I know about business, I learned from porn.” She makes bold statements like this frequently and has the knowledge to back up her bait!

Listen to my interview with her here:https://www.patreon.com/posts/8530719

Connect with Cassie:
Website: www.cassiehoward.com
Facebook: facebook.com/cassiehowardbiz/
Facebook Group: Babes in Business –facebook.com/groups/babesinbiz/
Twitter: twitter.com/cassiehowardbiz
Instagram: instagram.com/cassiehowardbiz/

If you liked this interview, consider becoming one of my patrons! This video explains a little better what my podcast is about and what Patreon is:

Curious C*nt Podcast – Ep 5: Making Money Online: From Cam Girl to Business Badass

Ask Erin Anything! – Rape & Consent


In lieu of this week’s column, I thought I’d go rogue (if that’s possible on one’s own blog) and give some unsolicited advice.

Don’t rape. Ask for consent. If it’s not given, then don’t rape. If the other person can’t talk or is unresponsive, assume the answer is NO. Don’t rape.

I receive lots of questions from men about pleasing a woman in bed, giving her an orgasm, or how to be “better” at sex. These are excellent questions and the pleasure of your partner during sex is a topic of great importance to me.

However, the most pleasing thing you can do for your potential sexual partner, regardless of gender, is get consent. Be absolutely sure they want it. This doesn’t have to be mechanical or dry. In fact, it can be quite the opposite. If things heat up nicely, chances are the other person will be wanting it, even begging for it. This part of foreplay can just be super sexy consent.

Oh and also, if the other person says, “Stop,” then stop. (Unless you’re involved in some sort of ravishment roleplay, in which case I hope you have some sort of safe word. But really I’m referring to vanilla sex here.)

As a society, we’re now realizing rape can’t continue & that it’s a serious offense against humanity. We must continue to talk about it so it doesn’t continue to be ignored, condoned, or justified like it has in the past.

The reason we talk about it so much is because it happens so much. It still happens. Every fucking day. Why? It’s not because of alcohol, or clothing, or being sexual, or drugs. It happens because there are people who rape. These people haven’t been taught not to rape or what defines consent. It still happens so we still talk about it.

Men can be raped too, although women are raped much more frequently.

What can you do? Well, first of all, don’t rape. Talk about it. If you’ve been assaulted, report it. If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for the others who may be protected because you spoke up. Talk to someone. Listen if someone tells you they’ve been hurt. Don’t ignore or condone, or rationalize it.

A part of being sexually healthy is consent. Inform yourself and respect others.

I love you all,

Erin 💖

National Sexual Abuse Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

———————————————————————-

Want to submit a question? Send it to leslierins@gmail.com with Ask Erin Anything! in the subject line. Ask Erin Anything! is published every Monday here on erinroca.com. If you want to leave a comment, you may need to scroll up or down depending on your desktop or mobile device.

Ask Erin Anything! – Female orgasm during intercourse

AEAweekorgasm.png

Hey Erin!
I love sex, every position, anytime, anywhere … period. It always feels good but it drives me crazy that I can’t orgasm every time!!! I have been with multiple men all different sizes and I still deal with the issue of only being able to cum when I’m on top! I feel like I need that pressure that only I can make happen. I would love to be able to come being eaten out or in any position!! I do masturbate but it’s rare that I can get myself off. I’ve tried vibrators and everything. It drives me insane when it feels sooo good, but I just can’t get there – HELP!!

Sincerely,
Hot and bothered

Dear Hot and Bothered,
First of all, let’s bask in the fact that you can come during intercourse period! The clit orgasm that you describe can be an elusive little fucker, so revel in the fact you are able to experience it!
Second, you say in order to come, you need pressure that you are in control of. This is not a bad thing at all! Owning and being in control of your own orgasms is not only sexy and empowering, but it is essential in maintaining a healthy sex life. When we give the power of our orgasms to our sexual partner(s), we are setting ourselves up for disappointment.
Let me say this again for those in the back. Do not blame your partner if you are unable to achieve orgasm during sex. Really, you shouldn’t blame yourself either, but you do have the ability and control over your own body in order to reach climax. Deva Logan and I talk about this in Episode 4 of my podcast. You can also never blame yourself for your male partner not being able to get or keep an erection. There are many physiological, mental, and emotional reasons why a man may not be able to hold an erection and none of them have to do with you, how sexy you are, or how you look.
So, back to you. You really want to orgasm in other ways besides grinding on your man while you’re on top. Okay, I get it. So you are into tribadism: the act of rubbing your vulva and clit against something for pleasure and to achieve orgasm. Excellent! This is my favorite way to get off, as well! No need to apologize. Your body responds to this well, so use it. First, I would try flipping over, with the guy on top, communicating with him that you’d like to be more in control, and see if you can come this way. You can also set yourself up a little grinding altar while you get fucked from behind – pillows and blankets, perhaps?
I understand the frustration of not being able to come whenever and however you want to (like guys can!), so try out those different techniques and see how they work. That said, remember that sex doesn’t have to be just about orgasm! You are deriving lots of pleasure from your sexual experiences and after you orgasm, that pleasure usually ends. So, savor all the little pleasurable moments while you can and use your climax for its intended purpose – a finishing moment and another tool in your pleasure box.

Happy cumming!
Erin

———————————————————————-

Want to submit a question? Send it to leslierins@gmail.com with Ask Erin Anything! in the subject line. Ask Erin Anything! is published every Monday here on erinroca.com. If you want to leave a comment, you may need to scroll up or down depending on your desktop or mobile device.

Ask Erin Anything! – Socks During Sex?

sockssex

(And YES – all the questions featured in this advice column are actual, real questions!)

Erin, does socks on make better sex?
                            – Cold Feet

Dear Cold Feet,

This is a pretty subjective question, but I’ll answer to the best of my ability. The short answer is no, having socks on doesn’t make for better sex. Another possible short answer is, it depends on the situation.

A part of having good sex is getting in good positions. Some of these positions require decent leverage on the part of both partners. For example, sometimes I like to press my foot against the wall so I have some support as I hold myself up. I have been known to use bunk beds and doorways and couches for much the same reason. All of this leverage is dependent on how well my feet can hang onto the chosen platform. Socks make this leverage much more difficult. This is true for both partners, regardless of gender. Whoever is doing the giving, the penetrating, or otherwise needs some support too.

That said, sometimes feet can get cold, but unless you’re going to only engage in the missionary position, doggie style, or basic cowgirl, I suggest on just taking those socks off in order to have better sex! Cold feet are a small price to pay for good sex.

Now, if you’re asking about a sex life that needs to be livened and spiced up, and wondering if the simple act of taking off your socks will make it better…it’s a definite nope. If your sex life has become so mundane and routine that the act of taking your socks off sounds revolutionary, then by all means, try it and let me know! Who knows? It may lead to bigger and better changes in your sexcapades. Today, the socks go off. Tomorrow, it’s an orgy!

Anybody have any fun sexy sock stories you want to share?

Love y’all! Erin

———————————————————————-

Want to submit a question? Send it to leslierins@gmail.com with Ask Erin Anything! in the subject line. Ask Erin Anything! is published every Monday here on erinroca.com. If you want to leave a comment, you may need to scroll up or down depending on your desktop or mobile device.

 

Curious C*nt Podcast – Ep 4: Sex, Orgasms, & Sacred Pleasure

devaep4

Hello, my curious loves!

Last week, I had the honor of talking to fellow sex coach Deva Logan (pronounced like diva!) and we had the best candid, vulgar, enlightening conversation about her work, spiritual & personal growth, taking your orgasms back, and empowering others in their personal sexual journeys. Among, many other things!

Deva is a sex positive, dating, love, and relationship coach who helps people embrace their freedom! She works with men and women, helping them use sex and love as an avenue to trigger life changes!

Listen to a clip of our conversation:

Click here to stream the rest of this episode. On the right, click “Become a Patron.”

Connect with Deva:
Website: www.devalogan.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/devaloganvxngoddess/ https://www.facebook.com/DevaLogan
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deva_thevixengoddess/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/deva_vxngoddess

As survivors of abuse, Deva and I have also started a Facebook group for women who are in abusive relationships or who are out and not only surviving, but THRIVING! Join us at The Surviving and Thriving Sisterhood.

Resources talked about in the show:

The History of Sex = documentary on sex
Movie – The Kama Sutra
Memoirs of a Geisha

This video explains a little better what my podcast is about and what Patreon is:

2017 – Year of Magic & Transformation

magewheel.png

The Wheel of Fortune is one of the cards that represent the energy of 2017: Next year is fat with promise and dripping with possibilities. It will be full of choice, definition, decisions, completions, cycles, luck, and ideas. The best way to work with this energy is to go with the flow, meaning be open to what circumstances present themselves.

Don’t argue with reality. Be present.

This year, maybe more than other years, we have more freedom and control over what occurs in our life – IF we relinquish control, paradoxically. If we can embrace the unknown, accept what is, and work with the resources available to us, the Universe will meet us halfway.

The Magician is the second card that represents 2017 energy:
The true magic is a transformation of the self. 2017 is the opportunity to harness the magic within you, which is your power, will, and determination. Use this magic to change the landscape of your inner life and watch the rest of the world around you shift and shape into something magical.

What is magic? Magic is when the hidden becomes known, the internal becomes external, the subconscious is made conscious. Therefore, pay close attention to what is inside you, for it will show up outside of you – the demons, the monsters, the angels, the saints. What do you want to bring forth into existence?

“However you may be, be your own source of experience. Throw off your discontent about your nature. Forgive yourself, your own self. You have it in your power to merge everything you have lived through; false starts, errors, delusions, passions, your loves and your hopes into your goal with nothing left over.” – Nietzsche

This week, I will be pulling together my own 12 month forecast for the year, as well as doing readings for all of my beautiful clients! If you’d like a full personalized reading and report on how your 2017 will go, check out my 12 month forecast. I will be delivering them to your inbox with all the goods by Saturday, December 31!

 

Images: From the Steampunk Tarot (one of my favorite decks!) with art by Aly Fell

Ask Erin Anything! – Defining the Relationship

AEAfuckyougood.png

Hey Erin,
Can I ask you’re opinion on something? Once you’ve had sex with someone you’re dating, can you go backwards and not have sex just until you really get to know each other better (without upsetting or confusing the other person)?

I met a guy and we instantly hit it off very naturally, like nothing I’ve experienced before. Add too much wine and in the moment I had no self control. It was beyond amazing. We had 3 more dates, which were awesome. Then he canceled the 4th. Said he was scared because he could possibly love me already and he isn’t ready for it, just out of a relationship and said let’s take time for him to get his act together. And be in a better place to deserve someone like me.

About 2 months passed by an he messaged me to apologize and say he never stopped thinking of me, missed me. So I met him to catch up over a glass of wine at his place. I thought again, if have better self control, I held out until the very end of the night and then the chemistry over took me. We had great great great sex again.  It was overall a great night of talking, cuddling, then sex, cuddling. I left in the morning and he said let’s get together soon.

Then I hardly hear from him the past couple weeks. We almost had a date again but it had to be cancelled due to his work. Again, hardly hear from him. I messaged him and told him I was a bit confused, etc. He said he is into me but had a busy schedule. Now he finally invites me to hang out again but again wanted to chill at his place.

I don’t want it to be about just sex. I really like him, so I said well how about we eat together then go from there. He said that sounded great. But my thing is I want to feel more sure that he likes me for more than sex, and get to know him better. But I’m not sure how to go about telling him I don’t want to have sex again until we know each other better. I trust he won’t flee again and likes me for me. It‘s a struggle because I love sex and intimacy, but in a way I’m mad at sex right now.

I have horrible self control with it but I really don’t want to feel like I’m desired for looks and sex.

– Seduced by Sex

Sexy Seductress!!!

Okay, so your initial question was “Once you’ve had sex with someone you’re dating, can you go backwards and not have sex just until you really get to know each other better (without upsetting or confusing the other person)?”

I believe the short answer is that YES you can, with lots of communication! If you’re communicating adequately, the other person shouldn’t be confused. If they are, clarify. If you’re not sure exactly what it is you need and want, say that. Say you want to explore the options. If they get upset, that is THEIR shit. You can’t own that. You can make your needs and requests known, but they’re not required to comply.

But I think the deeper issue here is with yourself. You are at odds with your sexuality and your sex appeal and seductive powers as a woman. You may not know how to marry your emotional needs with your sexual needs. Girl, I’m still navigating this territory too, so I understand a little where you’re coming from. As a confident, sexy woman, you do want to be desired for your looks, body, and sex, so don’t deny that! But maybe it’s not the only thing you want to be desired for.

It’s okay to want sex AND emotional fulfillment from the same person. It’s beautiful and good and healthy to want a functional, fulfilling relationship with someone who stimulates you emotionally and mentally, but also knows how to fuck you well.
With any potential partner, in that transition phase of deciding whether or not the relationship will progress, there’s really no way of knowing the other person’s exact intentions or thoughts or feelings. BUT if you don’t feel like you’re getting all your needs met already, you have to discern and decide how to go about communicating your needs and asking the other person if they are willing to comply or at least give it a try.

At the same time, make sure your subconscious and your conscious are communicating with each other, too. Carolyn Elliott says that “Having is evidence of wanting.” If you think your are only being desired for your looks, a big part of you wants that. There’s nothing wrong with wanting our body to be adored and worshiped! However, you can reexamine your subconscious beliefs to see how they align with what is occurring in your waking life. Hypnosis, meditation, and Theta healing are excellent for accessing the subconscious mind.

Above all, make the decision not to settle. Be patient. Be loving. Go with the flow. Reach out to this guy and open your heart to tell him you want to try to not have sex and maybe date a little. Be honest. How he reacts will be all you need to know. He may just want sex. But whatever he decides has nothing to do with you. It’s all about him and where he’s at. You want someone who can meet you at the level and the place you’re at.

I wish you lots of great sex and love!
Erin

———————————————————————-

Want to submit a question? Send it to leslierins@gmail.com with Ask Erin Anything! in the subject line. Ask Erin Anything! is published every Monday here on erinroca.com. If you want to leave a comment, you may need to scroll up or down depending on your desktop or mobile device.

Santa’s not real, but Magic is

I have never really been very into Christmas, and although I’ve never perpetuated my children’s beliefs in Santa, I didn’t hinder them either.

A few years ago, when Gianna was 8, I remember asking her if she believed in Santa and she shrugged and said, “Not really,” but I could tell there was a glimmer of hope in her eye.

I replied, “Well, you know he’s not real.” 

I’ve pretty much always told my children this. Not in a malicious way of course, but more matter-of-fact. I may be judged for this and that’s fine. I feel comfortable with my parenting.

Gianna was thoughtful for a moment and then posed a question that came from a very contemplative place, “How do you know he’s not real, Mom? Can you know for sure?”

She was challenging me and of course I had to say, “No, Gigi, I don’t know for sure that he’s not real.”

Now that she’s 11, Gianna still challenges me when I tell her Santa is not real.

However, even though I don’t talk about the mythical Santa Claus to her, I encourage her to entertain the fantastical through stories of other magical creatures in books and from my own imagination.

I don’t tell her that magic is real, but encourage her to take the same approach with these possibilities as she does with Santa. How do we know magic doesn’t exist? We don’t. I like to live my life imagining magic and miracles are real and encourage my children to do the same. I won’t ever tell them what to believe, but instead invite them to discern what they believe from their own experiences.
I’m proud for raising a child who is both realistic and inquisitive, who can entertain the magical and challenge the norm.