Ask Erin Anything! – Rape & Consent

In lieu of this week’s column, I thought I’d go rogue (if that’s possible on one’s own blog) and give some unsolicited advice.

Don’t rape. Ask for consent. If it’s not given, then don’t rape. If the other person can’t talk or is unresponsive, assume the answer is NO. Don’t rape.

I receive lots of questions from men about pleasing a woman in bed, giving her an orgasm, or how to be “better” at sex. These are excellent questions and the pleasure of your partner during sex is a topic of great importance to me.

However, the most pleasing thing you can do for your potential sexual partner, regardless of gender, is get consent. Be absolutely sure they want it. This doesn’t have to be mechanical or dry. In fact, it can be quite the opposite. If things heat up nicely, chances are the other person will be wanting it, even begging for it. This part of foreplay can just be super sexy consent.

Oh and also, if the other person says, “Stop,” then stop. (Unless you’re involved in some sort of ravishment roleplay, in which case I hope you have some sort of safe word. But really I’m referring to vanilla sex here.)

As a society, we’re now realizing rape can’t continue & that it’s a serious offense against humanity. We must continue to talk about it so it doesn’t continue to be ignored, condoned, or justified like it has in the past.

The reason we talk about it so much is because it happens so much. It still happens. Every fucking day. Why? It’s not because of alcohol, or clothing, or being sexual, or drugs. It happens because there are people who rape. These people haven’t been taught not to rape or what defines consent. It still happens so we still talk about it.

Men can be raped too, although women are raped much more frequently.

What can you do? Well, first of all, don’t rape. Talk about it. If you’ve been assaulted, report it. If you don’t do it for yourself, do it for the others who may be protected because you spoke up. Talk to someone. Listen if someone tells you they’ve been hurt. Don’t ignore or condone, or rationalize it.

A part of being sexually healthy is consent. Inform yourself and respect others.

I love you all,

Erin 💖

National Sexual Abuse Hotline: 1-800-656-4673


Want to submit a question? Send it to with Ask Erin Anything! in the subject line. Ask Erin Anything! is published every Monday here on If you want to leave a comment, you may need to scroll up or down depending on your desktop or mobile device.

3 thoughts on “Ask Erin Anything! – Rape & Consent

      1. We need to all stand together which is also why I started a GoFundMe to help progress my current projects one of which is my abuse blog. I want to get it out there to help more people as well as helping those obtain the help they need to escape an abusive person.


Fill my empty cup with your wisdom.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s