Ask Erin Anything! – Anal Sex


“Erin, please educate me on BUTT STUFF. I’ve tried anal before but I didn’t enjoy it. I think we were doing it all wrong, too much too fast. I have a butt plug but I don’t find it comfortable either. Please tell me how to start and how to learn to like it – I hear it can be so fabulous and I want to experience that! Help!”

                                                           – Bootylicious

Dear Bootylicious,

So…you want to try anal sex.

First of all – you’re not required to like anal sex. I’m sure you realize that but just in case you didn’t, I had to say it. Know what you like, try anything once, and don’t be ashamed if you don’t like it. Being willing to try something more than once is admirable, but don’t force it or shame yourself if it just doesn’t happen.

I would also suggest evaluating your reasons for wanting to try. To please your partner? Noble, but remember your own pleasure too! Both of you will be happier and more satisfied if your (and their) intentions are a mixture of wanting to give AND receive pleasure.

And without further ado, here it is…

Erin’s Thoughtful Guide to Anal Sex for Good Boys and Girls

Pre-game: Empty the bowels either naturally or with an enema. It’s not necessary every time, but it may make you more comfortable and receptive if you’re all cleaned out. Anal sex is usually much better when you’re not literally full of shit.

1. Foreplay. Make sure you’re so fucking horny you can’t stand it. Ask your partner for whatever you need to get turned on, whether that’s just making out or full-on vaginal intercourse. Having your ass eaten is an also excellent way to get you ready.
2. Warm up the asshole. Prep with fingers, toys, a butt plug. Massage it to relax it. Don’t force it.
3. Lube. Whatever your lube of choice is, make sure you have easy access to it. There are different brands of lube with lidocaine in them to make the asshole a little numb. Remember there’s a risk of penis getting numb in the process (assuming you’re being penetrated by a human dick and not a strap-on or other toy). Use a condom to avoid that numbness and for extra sliding power. My preferred lube is coconut oil because I’m a crazy yoga hippie.
4. Position. You might be most comfortable if your legs are in a squatting position, but the most important thing to remember is to try different positions to find what’s best for you. Try on your back, on your knees from behind, on your knees on top. Make sure you’re comfortable.
5. Control. I suggest you have most of the control as the penis or toy first goes in. Once the head is in, it should be much easier and feel better. Change positions of you need to. Keep trying. It will get easier.
6. Pleasure. Your pleasure. Once it’s in at least half-way, get the vibrator, rub your clit, make your partner lick your nipples. Do whatever you need to do to get horny again if you lost it.
7. Movement. Let your partner move a little. Gently at first, then harder. The more it moves, the more it presses the right buttons, and the better it will feel, trust me.
8. Communication. Talk during and after to make sure your comfort and pleasure are a priority. If at any point you need to stop, tell your partner.

Post-game: Go to the bathroom. Check for tears and bleeding. Notice how you feel physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Communicate how you feel. Maybe write about it.

I hope this helps. I’d love to hear about  your experiences or if you have anything to add to this list. Happy butt sex!

With curiosity and love,

Read more about my thoughts on anal sex here!

Want to submit a question? Send it to with Ask Erin Anything! in the subject line.
Ask Erin Anything is published every Monday here on If you want to leave a comment, you may need to scroll up or down depending on your desktop or mobile device.

If you’d like to keep up with my upcoming projects and receive occasional updates, sign up for my email list here:

F*cking Words


Words are fucking words
But give them breath
And give them life,
They turn into more than soundless shapes.
They become whispers of dignity
Echoes of magic,
Reasons why we change our minds.
They become resolutions
And a quiet hum
Of the affirmation
That we are human.
Nothing more, nothing less.
I believe
We can trim the landscape of our minds.
We can transform our thoughts
From mindless chatter
Into something, out there, in the world.
From thoughts, words are born,
Bred like wolves in cold, dark caves,
Groomed like hunters, armed with stealth and cunning.
These wolves have brought men to their knees and stopped other predators in their tracks.

This canine power is wielded by us – the writers, the thinkers, the artists.
We are the brave, bold ones who say what others are too afraid to.
Give us your voice, give us your fucking words.
Give us the chance to hear your fierce growls and the guttural cry of rage at what this humanity has cost you.
The beast within this woman has more to say.
We will not give up hope in the power of these fucking words.
If you have an ounce of hope left, let your voice be heard.

Save the world.
Write poems.

Photo cred: Lauren Peng / Unsplash

2016 – My Death Year


This has been a 13 year for me, a Death card year. A year of endings and pain and full stops. A year to die again and again and again until the Phoenix in me has no choice but to rise up from the ashes and dust of all the death she’s seen.

It hurts while I die, but I won’t go quietly. And when I am done, I will sprinkle this fertile landscape with the seeds of my dreams, water them with the decaying corpse of my fallen Phoenix, and watch them grow into the life I’ve hoped for. This is the time when the morbid and grotesque meet the glorious and the joyful. Together, they unite in my sacred feminine humanity. I am terrifying and gentle all at once.

When Death comes for the last time, my Phoenix and I will be watchful and ready. We’ll put up a fight because resistance is all we know. When we concede, we do so gracefully. Everything goes quiet.

The pain of birth shocks me back to life. Once again, I am a fool-hardy offspring, ready to bare my soul again in a fight to the death. It’s the cycle of struggle, the cycle of humanity. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.