Boys, please wake up. We need you.

Since I’ve been single, I have been consistently disgusted at the audacity of men who want to get laid and/or get attention from me.

Please, for the love of God, I am a HUMAN BEING. Just because I may like casual sex occasionally, does NOT mean that I won’t be discerning in who I pick to have sex with. Being sexually healthy means being able to say “yes” when I want to and “no” when it’s appropriate. When I say “no”, this is not an invitation to ask again in a different way. This is an opportunity to treat me like a human being and respect my autonomy.

And for those guys who want to just message and say “what’s up?”, that’s totally cool, but don’t be surprised if I don’t reply. It’s not that anything is wrong with you. It’s just that I don’t want to waste my time in endless, meaningless dialogue. If you want to know a little secret, try asking me a question about something I wrote or a picture I posted. Ask me about my favorite book, or what kind of video games I like to play. Treating me like an actual person who you want to have a conversation with seriously increases your chance for a response.

Oh and by the way, I hate that I have to clarify this, but in the event that I DO respond to you, this DOES NOT mean we’re going to hang out, and it certainly doesn’t mean we’re going to have sex. It means I have responded, and you can commence with the conversation. If what you need is merely to get off, then may I suggest masturbation and some good porn?

If it is sex you desire, can you explore that a bit first? Is it really just sex? Or is it real, genuine human connection? Is it conversation? Maybe someone to listen? Maybe you just need to be touched. Maybe you need a friend. Sex is a quick fix, but it’s not a permanent remedy for what really ails you. Sex can heal those broken layers, but you have to be willing to admit it first.

Guys, men, boys, please hear me. We love you. We need you. We need you to wake up. We need you to be present. We sure do spend a lot of time talking about how women matter and how as women, we are coming into our own. This doesn’t mean we forget about you. No, on the contrary, all of humanity is waiting for you to stand up and take your roles. I know it’s scary because we’ve kind of taken our feminine power back in the last few decades. I know you may feel a little diminished. But realize that your masculinity is exalted in this distinction with our awesome feminine glory. We complement one another. We need each other. Please, boys, I’m begging you. Wake the fuck up.

Comic by Matt Northup

3 thoughts on “Boys, please wake up. We need you.

  1. You’re awesome. I think I have been awake, as u put it, for years. I’m glad somebody said it and just wish the audience could b bigger. Anyway, I’m gonna go right ahead and put myself in the friend zone w you for now. Keep on speaking that beautiful mind of yours, nevermind the boys thinking w just the little head!


    1. Jerry, well my goal is to bring this message to more people, so share this post on social media if you want the audience to be bigger! We need more men spreading the good word too!


  2. It does amaze me how many times it seems necessary for women bloggers to have to make such complaints. Is the world really that neaderthal?
    On the other side of the coin, as one who has registered on a couple of dating websites (albeit without much serious intent), when you come across a potential match, who you definitely think you’d enjoy having sex with, it can be very difficult to open an online converstion, and harder still to maintain one.
    I like to think I don’t just think with my dick (ok, yeah, sometimes I do just think with my dick), and having had such experiences in my shallow youth I can’t imagine wanting to fuck someone with whom I couldn’t happily enjoy a conversation about Proust, Putin or plumbing, but it does sometimes feel like we’re on a shaky footing just for having sex on our check list at all.


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